[A2] "City Police," Spirit of the Times, Jan. 6, 1842: A Horrid Blank!

Reported for the Spirit of the Times.


City Police-Wednesday, January 5—A Horrid Blank!—Desolation and Dismay!—Not a Single Case!Oh hideous! Oh horrible! What are we coming to? Some dire convulsion of the moral world may be about to take place. Perhaps the physical world is about to burst up sooner than Mr. Miller expected. His first calculation fell short; his second prognostic may be as far ahead;—split the difference, and we shall have the settling off day about this time. The sinners had better look sharp, and come to a strict reckoning with conscience. Nothing but fire and brimstone could purge the world of its rascality;—I, for my own part, entirely approve of Mr. Miller's scheme;—the prospect of a day of judgment shortly to come will make some fellows act honestly when nothing else could do it. Go it, Miller!—give us your paw. To have some of the banks and their officers burnt up, I could almost consent to see all the other affairs in creation, except the pretty girls, burnt with them. Speaking of girls puts me in mind of a letter I received yesterday:—

To Toney Blink, Esq., A. M. L. L. D. &c.

Dear and Venerated Sir: I perceive from your announcement this morning, that you are about to get up a book for the use of young ladies' seminaries. Dear me, what an extraordinary man you are! Always kind, attentive, and obliging to our sex;—always planning something for our benefit. Allow me to suggest that your idea for that book is capital;—just such a thing has been wanted ever since I have been engaged in rearing the tender thought, teaching the young idea how to shoot, &c. I'd like to have some private talk with you on the subject;—call on me this evening about tea-time. Be punctual. I hope you're a single man; if not, I may call myself the miserable

Keziah Gristleton

Principal of the Hannah More Institute and President of the Single Ladies' Association.

Toney Blink.